MY DOG IS GAY

Hi, I am a forty something year old married to a “Contractor” and my dog is gay.

I really don’t care if he’s gay or not, I just want him to be who he chooses to be, and not be bullied by the owners of show dogs, and French Poodles.

It all started one day when my dog Sarge wanted to go to the dog park with a new pink outfit.  Not just any pink outfit, a frilly pink outfit that screamed “I am a gay dog.” Sarge is a very masculine dog, and has never really wanted to rock the pink outfit thing before, but he saw another dog ‘working it” by our house the other day, and had been obsessing about it ever since. I pointed out to him that other dogs might ridicule him for no reason, (other than the fact he has a missing front leg) so maybe he should let me buy him a nice spiked collar. He then pointed out to me in doggy language that any dog can work the spiked collar, but few can work a 3-legged strut frontin pink outfit. I completely agreed.

I purchased the pink outfit, and if I say so myself, he had it “goin on.” He quickly jumped in the front seat (ok, he only has 3 legs, it was more like I lifted him, and stuck him on the passenger side) and we headed for the doggy park. 

As we approached the doggy park, Sarge started having second thoughts about wearing his new pink outfit.

 What do you mean, I asked.

 And he said… yoowww arrrrhhh bowwww wooowwwww.

Which means “This doesn’t seem like such a good idea.”

I realized I liked him struttin his pink outfit, and thought the other doggy owners would get a big kick out of it.  Who could hate a 3-legged dog sportin a pink freakin outfit? I lifted Sarge out of the car as he looked guardedly around the park. He was right, they were staring at him like he only had 3 legs or something. As soon as he tri-podded to the edge of the park, Dog owner A approached and gave me a look of disgust.

Undaunted, I asked her “Doesn’t my dog rock the 3-legged pink outift thing?”

And she said. “I think he looks gay.”

And I replied “I don’t know, he might be because he has a deep affection for my male cat Porky, and he likes pink bows.”

By this time dog owner B walked up with her high and mighty French Poodle who had her own pink outfit on, not appreciating the fact they were sportin the same outfit.

And she said “Your dog is an embarrassment to the dog park, and if I were you I would take off that ridiculous pink outfit.”

And I said. “This is coming from a woman who shaves her dog to look like some Japanese bush.”

By this time Sarge is looking like he does when you watch him take a big dump in the back yard. He’s crouched real low with his head dropped down, looking at us out of the corner of his eye. 

He hears us saying  “Wah wah woh wah wah”

One of the nice dog owners approached, and commented how the pink outfit took away from the fact he only has 3-legs.

Mean dog owner A went on about how mean the other dogs could be, and how as a pack they tend to weed out the weaker pink outfit wearing type of dog. I reminded her my dog only has 3-legs, so that might be the reason he’s “shunned” from the pack.

Sarge and the French Poodle had already made up, and he was trying desperately to mount her with one leg missing. It occurred to me that my dog isn’t really gay. “Not that there is any thing wrong with that.”

Here are the facts about my dog Sarge:

He spends most of his time with me.

He was neutered years ago, and has no idea what his sexual identity is

He lets a 6 # Shih tzu rule the roost. (What does that tell you?)

He squats when he pees.

He is afraid of wet grass

It shouldn’t matter to you what my dog does…..

Ok, Ok, you are all on to me.  I completely heisted this post from Nerdy Apple Bottom. For the few bloggers out there who haven’t heard of her latest post, she recently posted about her son wearing a Daphne costume on Halloween and proceeded to write about the push back she received from other parents for allowing her 5-year-old to dress like a “girl” cartoon character from the seventies. Her post received over a million hits in a few days.  It certainly struck a chord. Some have debated whether this incident truly happened, or why her son would choose to dress like a girl character from the seventies. It doesn’t really matter does it? The true moral to the story isn’t that she may have embellished any or all of her story. The real moral of the story is these things really happen. They happen in our schools, on our playgrounds, and college campuses. (although most in college would call a guy dressing like a chick pledge week) Mean mom in Nerdy’s post “claimed” her husbands frat house never dressed as Daphne, I beg to differ. I agree with nerdy mom, bullying and prejudice is happening somewhere because our children are jumping off of bridges, and hanging themselves in their closets, rather than live in a world they think despises them. So instead of using her blog to discuss whether or not her 5-year-old chose to dress like a 70’s chick, lets talk about how we can continue to evolve. Looking into people’s hearts…and not their bedroom.

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One Response

  1. […] post by tcastle var addthis_language = 'en'; Filed under Uncategorized ← Nich Khun, The Shy […]

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