Hi, my name is …. and I’m a Reality TV addict. It’s the first step…finally admitting it.

It all started innocently enough, it was 1972 and MTV played music video’s. That was cutting edge enough…but then they introduced a show called “The Real World.”

This is the true story… of eight strangers… picked to live in a house…work together and have their lives taped… to find out what happens… when people stop being polite… and start getting real…The Real World.

It was a social experiment on the behaviors of complete strangers and how they interact with each other. It brought out the voyeurism in me. It was better than watching the neighbors through their front picture window at night when they had all the lights on. (Not that I’ve ever done that) I can still remember the racial tension between Kevin and the cast mates. It wasn’t scripted, it was raw, sometimes boring but very Real World.

And who could forget season Real World San Francisco and the conflict between Puck and Pedro? Puck was a non-bathing, snot shooting rocket launcher, that ate peanut butter out of the jar with his finger, and Pedro was HIV positive, fighting for his life while spending his remaining time educating people about HIV.  You can’t script the fact that Pedro died hours after the final episode was aired. I felt part of the show, and I mourned for Pedro’s loss.

That was the beginning of my addiction. What started out as a simple case of voyeurism became an absolute must see. I had to watch every week to see if Puck was going to bathe.

It spiraled from there, like a junkie starting out with a gateway drug and then jonesing for the harder stuff. A junkie has to get a bigger fix, they need more and they’ll do anything to get it. They start as a  light pot smoker making too many trips to the 7-Eleven and watching endless episodes of Family guy, graduating to a quivering crack addict robbing the 7-Eleven.

 Luckily Reality TV understood my new addiction and gave me shows such as Survivor. How about the first season  when  Richard walked around naked? How I hated him…but he started “The Alliance.” And when Sue gave her rat and snake speech I was hooked for the next 21 seasons, although I have to admit it became predictable until Russell entered the game on Season 19 with his “dumb ass girl” alliance.  Not only did he come up with a completely offensive name for his alliance but he also found 3 immunity idols without a single clue and lied about losing his dog during Katrina! Reality TV had found it’s best villain since Puck-the-non-bather.

That’s all good Reality TV….but now we have the Housewives of Orange County, NY, New Jersey, Beverly Hills and Atlanta. I can’t even begin to tell you how I love watching their narcissism, over-bloated spending, financial disasters, and relationship disasters.  Seriously, it is like watching a bad train wreck…I just can’t turn away.

The best Housewives moment for me was season one Atlanta when Kim declared she was going to be a recording star because she “Asked, Believed, and Received.”  (A reference to the popular DVD “The Secret”) I scoffed at her brazenness. I mean I’ve read “The Secret” and I get the whole Quantum thing and how thoughts have energy, but seriously, the woman couldn’t sing. She was completely dissed by Big Papa‘s recording pals and you know we were all thankful that Kim was never going to sing again

 But then season two came along and Grammy Award winning Kandi produced “Tardy for the Pardy” for Kim, evidently at no charge.  AND IT’S A HIT!!  WTF?

 I watch fat people become thin, I watch Brett Michaels look for love, then become “The Apprentice,” and then become a great dad on his new show.  I watch “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” I mean who knew somebody could date a crap load of people all at the same time and find true love in eight weeks?  And then when Jason blew Melissa off during the season finale, it produced yet another desirable villian, because he changed his mind and didn’t tell her until the finale so he could get paid.

As an addict I know I haven’t hit rock bottom yet…there are more shows to watch, I’ll know when I’ve finally reached the bottom. It will be when I’m sitting on my couch with a pee bottle because I don’t want to stop the TVO long enough to go to the bathroom, or when I start to look like Puck because I refuse to take time out and bathe.

I have to go now…MTV has a new show out called “Dushervention.” It’s about having an intervention to save a dush bag from himself. Pure Genius…it might be the best one yet.


One Response

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